Date Like Donald Trump: Love,
Apprentice
-style
By Lisa Daily
There are few people left in
America who are not completely, unabashedly addicted to
The Apprentice.
The backstabbing. The brown-nosing. The hair.
I admit it. I'm one of them.
Of course, one of the things that makes the show and Donald Trump
himself so appealing, is that patience isn't really his strong suit
and he makes no effort to tiptoe around the facts. You don't pull your
weight and you're fired. You use bad manners and you're fired. You do
something stupid, and, yes, you're fired.
So, I got to thinking. What if we dated like Donald Trump?
Think about it. You'd assemble your top dating candidates for a little
head-to-head competition. Would any of the candidates on
The Apprentice
show up late or forget to call? I don't think so. Why? Because they
know that if they did, they'd be history and a bunch of other
wanna-bes would be delighted to see them go. The same would be true
for dating.
You could assemble ten fabulously qualified eligibles for a month-long
date-off. Every week would involve a different dating task, like
playing a 7-hour Yahtzee marathon with your parents and crazy Aunt
Leona, mall shopping for a dress to wear to your third cousin
Mildred's wedding, negotiating a quiet exit in a nightclub where your
ex has made a surprise visit, and the bonus round, providing the
correct answer to the question, "Does this outfit make my butt look
big?" All the while, candidates would be judged on good manners,
restaurant choices and the ability to make your toes curl. And, at the
end of each week, you'd call a few of the screw-ups into the boardroom
(or maybe the bedroom) and let somebody go.
If you really want to weed out the riffraff, go ahead and enlist your
very own George and Carolyn to keep an eye on the candidates, offer
opinions and report back on any goof-ups.
Why date like The Donald? First, it's efficient. Why go through one
lousy date at a time when you can date in bulk? Second, it's easier to
see who the really great candidates are (and who is the best fit for
you) when you can compare them side-by-side. With traditional dating,
you may not realize that old flame from college really was the perfect
match for you (six or seven years too late, after they've already been
scooped up by somebody else.) And last, well, it just seems like a
heck of a way to spend the summer.
And at the end of it all, you'll not only end up with someone who's
perfect for you, but also with someone who clearly wants to be there.
Do it right, and you'll never again have to say, "You're selfish in
bed, you're a lousy dresser, and my Aunt Leona isn't too crazy about
you. You're fired."
© 2004 by Lisa Daily. All rights reserved.
Lisa Daily is the author of
Stop Getting Dumped!
All you need to know to make men fall madly in love
with you and marry "The One" in 3 years or less.
At bookstores everywhere.
As seen in/on Cosmopolitan, The Other Half and Ricki Lake
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